Why do victims stay in abusive relationships?

By tinkertakeoff
Posted: 04:51 AM Friday, October 26, 2012

The first question typically asked by those who do not understand the dynamics of domestic violence is why the victims stay in the abusive relationship. When we ask this question we are looking at the behavior and actions of only the victim. Many people believe if the victim would ?just leave? the battering would stop and the victim would be safe. In actuality, the victim?s danger level increases when leaving or even begins to think about leaving. This is the wrong question. What we should be asking: Why do abusers terrorize and torture their partners?

As a society, we would like to believe that if a victim would just leave, their safety would increase. We offer emergency services including shelters for victims and many victims have family and friends that would help. We neglect to look at the situation from the victims? point of view and see the barriers that might prevent the victim from leaving. There are many barriers and reasons why a victim doesn?t leave the situation and it depends on the victim. This article will help to identify some of those barriers and hopefully help understanding why victims stay.

Love ? A victim does not get into a relationship with an abuser. The relationship begins with hope, love, and support. A victim generally has weeks, months, and sometimes years before abuse begins. The abuser manipulates the victim throughout the relationship causes the victim to rationalize or minimize abusive behavior. The victim may also hope the abuser will change.

Fear ? Victims are the best asset to know how dangerous an abuser is. The victim is generally well aware of what actions she/he may do that would escalate a situation. Fear plays a great factor in why victims stay. The abuser utilizes this fear to help maintain the control of the victim.

Children ? Many factors come with children. If the victim is pregnant, she may have fears raising and supporting the child alone. The abuser may threaten to take or harm the child/children. The children may not want to leave with the victim; this may be out of fear for the parent or themselves. The abuser can also use the legal system against the victim, threatening that they will get custody and the victim will never see their children again.

No help ? The victim may not be aware of the resources available in the community or on base.

Tried to leave before ? If a victim has left the abuse before and was found, talked into, or manipulated to return they may be less likely to attempt to leave again.

No one believes the victim ? When a victim discloses abuse to friends or family, sometimes people are confused because they do not want to believe the other person could be abusive. If the abuser is able to maintain a different persona with friends and family, the victim could be looked at as unstable or have potential for mental health issues. This can further intensify the abuse to the victim.

This are only a small list of reasons why a victim stays in an abusive relationship. Each victim has specific and unique reasons and motives for staying. If you or someone you know is potentially in an abusive situation reach out for help, believe someone when they ask for help, and refer the victim to available resources. Tinker offers a 24/7 Hotline for Domestic Abuse Crisis Service. If you or someone you know needs help, call 415-0599.

(Tinker Domestic Abuse Victim Advocate)

Source: http://journalrecord.com/tinkertakeoff/2012/10/26/why-do-victims-stay-in-abusive-relationships/

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